428. Twenty-ninth Friday of Ordinary Time
Meditations no. 380 (unofficial computer-aided translation)
Interior struggle leads us to put on the new man.
So I find, it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members.
We all experience within ourselves the struggle between good and evil, between grace and sin, that St Paul speaks of. We know this is so, our Father told us countless times. We have the experience that something is trying to pull us downward. St Augustine spoke of evil passions tugging at his clothing: things that make us ashamed if we consent to them, vile things, things that do not fit with being a child of God. And at the same time we have in our heart many desires to do great things, to make immense sacrifices. We have clean, noble, marvellous ambitions to do good. For Godâs help lifts us up, and fills us with noble ideals: this is the Holy Spirit acting in our souls. Our interior struggle will last till the day we die. As our Father wrote: There will always be some aspect of our life in need of change. So I say to you, renovamini autem spiritu mentis vestrae, et induite novum hominem, qui secundum Deum creatus est in iustitia et sanctitate veritatis; be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new man, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
We should not be discouraged to discover our own shortcomings and errors, our constant need to struggle, so often verified in our own lives. Itâs obvious that we all have defects. But this is true of everyone - and Iâm not saying this just to console you. The saints had them too, right up to their final moment on earth. If they had been unaware of their faults, they would have been steeped in pride.
God always grants us his grace. He only asks for our trust and personal effort, renewed time and again. Our Father once used an example from the Olympics: I really enjoyed watching those people: they would fix their eyes on the goal, run forward pole in hand, and attempt the jump. Then, another try, once again expending great effort. Improving by just two centimetres was all-important. Another try, and still no luck! But they didnât lose their temper, though they didnât look very cheerful either and, head bowed, letting their muscles recover somewhat, they entered inside themselves to consider their failure, and then another attempt at the goal. They kept at it and at the third or fourth try, they managed, they reached their goal!
You and I, in order to jump and conquer, have Godâs grace and holy Maryâs protection. So, we can! -possumus! - we shall say with those poor Apostles, who were daring but who still didnât know that, in order to be able, they would have to pass by way of the Cross. But we do know this. And with Godâs grace and our Ladyâs help, I repeat, possumus! We can! But we have to struggle. Whoever doesnât struggle is a coward.
Health, rest, and the ascetical struggle.
Extra work, illness, or lifeâs setbacks can make the ascetical struggle harder and less bearable. Then is the moment to heed our Fatherâs advice:
Physical exhaustion. -You feel⌠a wreck. -Rest. Stop that external activity. -Consult your doctor. Obey, and donât worry.
Soon you will be able to take up your life again and you will see an improvement, if youâre faithful, in your apostolic works.
Our Father often insisted on our need to get enough rest, in order to avoid this situation. In a note to one of the Instructions, we read: he says that the first time he heard the Italian expression âwhen the body is well, the soul dancesâ, he was surprised. It bothered him, since it didnât seem a very supernatural perspective. Moreover, many sick people are filled with gaudium cum pace (joy with peace), and serve God joyfully amid their suffering. But later he changed his mind, since he came to see that this phrase is only a graphic way of expressing the need for good health in order to serve God in our ordinary work, which he so frequently teaches us.
In the Gospel, we see Jesusâ concern for his Apostles. On one occasion, he takes them aside and tells them: âCome away by yourselves to a lonely place, and rest a while.â For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. Precisely to yield more in our apostolic work, we should look after our health. Thus we will be in a better position, even physically, to follow the promptings of grace. We need to acknowledge with simplicity our need to rest, whenever we find ourselves especially tired. But we know, as our Founder always taught, that resting is not to do nothing: it is to relax with activities that require less effort.
We should be aware that there are times when we might become especially tired, an awareness which will help us not to confuse gloominess, which results from some bad attitude in our heart, with what is simply a sign of sickness or exhaustion. Our Founder warned us: At times, if you find you are sad, itâs not that youâve lost your supernatural joy of knowing you are children of God. But you may have lost the physiological joy of a healthy animal, because youâre tired or sick. Then you have to open your heart wide in the chat. And relax by reading a book or a pile of comics. Or ask permission to spend a few days in a different city and do nothing more than keep yourself busy seeing artistic monuments and saying the Preces and three Hail Marys at night. And donât hesitate to tell the Director whatever may come into your head then, however terrible it might seem.
Trusting in Godâs help and that of our Lady.
Our Father wrote: Saints are those who fight until the very end of their lives, those who know how to get up after each stumble, each fall, and continue valiantly, humbly, lovingly and hopefully along the way.
We are assured that God will not abandon us and that the Directors will guide us securely along our path.
Even though we may feel deep in our soul the revolt of the body of death that cries out for its lost privileges, we should never lose our peace. My child, you are in the Work because He has called you. And he who called you gives you his grace to become a good instrument in his hands. And he shows you the means, our Norms and Customs. Be faithful to them, and the time will come when youâll be able to say, sensing this truth in the intimate depths of your soul: It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
The more clearly we see our defects clearly and the more our heart rebels, the more firmly we should rely on our Father God, on the advice we receive in the chat and Confession, and on the others. That way we will resist the attacks of the âold manâ. As our Father wrote: Do not be ashamed to discover in your hearts the fomes peccati - the tinder of sin, the inclination to evil, which will be with you as long as you live, for nobody is free from this burden.
Do not be ashamed, for the all-powerful and merciful Lord has given us all the means we need for overcoming this inclination: the sacraments, a life of piety and sanctified work.
Persevere in using these means, ever ready to begin again and again without getting discouraged.
If we are faithful in our struggle, our life will turn into a beautiful tapestry in Godâs eyes, even though we are often not aware of it. I once visited a tapestry shop, our Father commented, where they were copying one that belonged to a royal family. Most of it was already finished, and one could clearly make out the colourful knights in armour and a breath-taking blue sky. Then I looked behind and saw only a jumble of knots and threads⌠Our lives are like that: every day we make frequent mistakes, and we need to stop and tie a knot, and then continue working, without realizing the beauty of our endeavour. But if we could see the tapestry from the front, we would see how marvellous that array of countless threads really is, thanks to God and our small daily effort.
In order to struggle faithfully like this our whole life long, we need Godâs help and our Ladyâs intercession. We ask Mary to bring our petition to her Son. Mother, do not leave me! Let me seek your Son, let me find your Son, let me love your Son - with my whole being. Remember me, my Lady, remember me.