279. Thirteenth Sunday of Ordinary Time (C)

Meditations no. 584 (unofficial computer-aided translation)

Love for God above all things does not diminish the affection we must show to our families.

On the way to Jerusalem, some people approach Jesus and are called by him or express their desire to follow him. The Lord makes present to all of them the exclusive love that God demands of his disciples. I will follow you, Lord, but first allow me to say goodbye to those of my house. Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the Kingdom of God. Although family ties are very important - they are the object of the most sweet precept of the Decalogue, as our Father called the fourth commandment -”it is necessary to be convinced that the first vocation of the Christian is to follow Jesus (cf. Mt 16:25): ‘He who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; whoever loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me’ (Mt 10:37)“.

The first thing in the life of the Christian is love for God, and the way to achieve this is the imitation of Jesus Christ. The Lord loved Saint Mary and Saint Joseph with filial piety, and shared their joys and sorrows. In the same way, when we receive the vocation to the Work, we do not feel alien or indifferent to our parents and siblings. “This is the first degree of piety, since they [the parents] are the authors that God wanted you to have. Honor them with attention,” writes Saint Ambrose, “and beware of insulting them in any way (…). On the contrary, you must honor them with positive acts in order to be truly good (…). Honor, then, your parents, since the Son of God honored his own.”

Vocation strengthens and embellishes the bonds of gratitude and affection that unite us to our relatives. Love for Jesus Christ has united us all in a family of supernatural bonds, the Work, which also reaches our parents and siblings, because the charity of Christ who brought us to Opus Dei, far from separating us from them, makes them closer to us. To the human, natural affection is also added-because we want to be good followers of Christ-the charity that the Holy Spirit has infused in our hearts, and thus we love them with greater intensity and greater delicacy.

Our Founder taught us to live filial piety with finesse: we have to love our parents very much; otherwise, we do not have the spirit of Opus Dei, he told us. Because the commandment to love one’s parents is of natural law, and of divine right, and we call it the sweetest precept.

We owe much to our parents and, humanly, it is an impossible debt to pay. Our life comes from them; and often the first seed of faith, piety and vocation has been placed in our hearts. Moreover, “what can be said of the care of parents for the education of their children, of their burdens multiplied by the needs of others, of the seeds sown by work and which will benefit the generations to come?”

We cannot forget the profound truth of those words of our Founder: we owe ninety percent of our vocation to our parents. And he added at times: even in families that are not Christian, even when they are against the Church, they have given us a wonderful foundation to receive that seed. It is only right, then, that they see that there is a correspondence on our part to all the care, concern and sacrifice they have made for us. That is why, when parents need something that is not opposed to our vocation, we hasten to give it to us: because we have them as a very beloved part of Opus Dei.

This has been the constant teaching of our Founder. I have always instilled in you that you love your parents very much, and I have arranged that my children should always be with them when they leave the earth, and that you should know how to bring them closer to the warmth of the Work, which is to bring them closer to God. And whenever necessary, the Work takes care of them spiritually and materially.

Manifestations of the sweetest precept of the Decalogue.

Let us NOT LOVE in word or with our mouths, but in deeds and in truth, writes the Apostle John. Love for our parents and siblings, reinforced by Christ’s charity, leads us to love them more and more every day and to give them effective signs of that affection. Like the Blessed Virgin, who, having no other will or plans than those of God, came “quickly” to the service of her cousin Saint Elizabeth, so we seek, in our dealings with our relatives, the thousand opportunities that are offered to us to exercise, in a natural way, charity, the spirit of service. The concrete manifestations will depend on the circumstances of each one, but we are attentive so that they notice that we love them.

The Work does not take away your parents’ affection, our Founder always told us, but quite the opposite. Sometimes it is my children who do it badly: you do not know how to touch the heart of the mother and the heart of the father, which is often softer than that of the mother. I understand you. For me, the fourth commandment is the sweetest precept of the Decalogue, and this is how I have taught my children. I have more devotion to it, because sometimes I think that perhaps I did not do it well with my parents. I had no choice; I could not live it any other way. But you can.

You are not going to be talking nonsense; but a man also knows how to say kind things. When there are misunderstandings, I never think that the parents are to blame: I always think that it is my children who have not known how to behave well: because you do not write to them, because you do not know how to make their concerns your own, or tell them things of affection.

A duty of gratitude obliges us to pray and mortify ourselves daily for them, so that God may fill them at all times with his grace. And when the Lord calls them into his presence, gratitude becomes, if possible, even more pressing; it impels us to offer frequent suffrages for them, so that they may enjoy eternal beatitude. How are we going to do something pleasing to God, St. Josemaría wondered, if we abandon the souls of those who have loved us so much on earth, and who have contributed so much-sometimes, without much realizing it-to our vocation?

We also try, as our first apostolic concern, to bring God and the Work closer to our parents and siblings; the Supernumeraries, also to their spouses and children. And as far as possible, we encourage them to participate - in complete freedom - in the means of formation of Opus Dei, which constitute - as we know well - a wonderful way to bring them to God.

It may happen that at times they do not perceive all the good that the call to Opus Dei entails; it is and will always be something painful, but this very thing must impel us to show them our affection more - with our prayer and with concrete details - so that, even if they do not understand our journey, they will be happy to see us joyful and happy. And since charity consists, first of all, in understanding, it is important to take charge of what others feel, to put ourselves in their place, to understand that they do not understand. The Lord asks us to make this effort to understand the situations that arise, before we act in one way or another.

When parents and siblings are not Christians, or are far from faith or religious practice, they must be the primary object of our apostolic zeal, in the appropriate way in each case. With affection and respect, we will pray and mortify ourselves, and we will try to find opportunities to help them encounter God.

In addition, families are always grateful - although perhaps they do not show it - for the concrete details of affection: writing to them on the occasion of an anniversary, letting them know that we share in their sorrows and joys, taking great care in service when we coincide with them, etc. When we asked our Founder about our behavior with our parents, he often gave us this advice: with affection, with great affection! Give them reasons for joy, so that they may be happy with you, so that they can say: this son is the one who loves us most, the one who cares most about us and our happiness.

We must obey God rather than men. The order of charity.

AT THE same time that Jesus manifested his love for the Blessed Virgin and Saint Joseph with deeds - he was subject to them, the Gospel says - he also showed from his childhood that he had to fulfill the Will of his Father, above any human bond or affection. “Why did you seek Me?” he says to them when he is found in the Temple, after three days of anxious searching. Did you not know that it is necessary for me to be in the things of my Father?

Years later, when the Lord was surrounded by a crowd that listened to his teachings, the Gospel recounts that his mother and brothers came to see him, and they could not approach him because of the crowd. And they told him: “Your mother and your brothers are out there and want to see you.” He answered them and said to them: “My mother and my brothers are the ones who hear the word of God and do it. Once again Jesus Christ teaches his disciples to put the Will of God above all else; therefore, to live the order of charity: love for God and for all souls and, in the first place, for those who are closest to us, for those with whom we have special ties.

Our Founder said: I like that all my children have a great love for your parents and that you live with delicacy the fourth precept of the Decalogue: the sweetest precept … because we all owe that love to our parents; but we must love even more the Our Father who is in heaven. We must all want, for our fathers on earth, many good things; and if they have any defect, we do not see it: do you understand? For in the Our Father, which is in heaven, there is no shadow, no stain. It is all clarity, all beauty, all love. The greatest, the best thing we can do in this life is to love God, who is our Father. Is that clear?

The order of charity must be manifested in works, not only in affections. Like any person who has founded a home, and even more so if he has a large family, our occupations do not ordinarily allow us all the treatment that could be humanly desirable, especially if the place of residence is distant. For any ordinary person, the first thing is the obligations towards the family he has formed, and then the rest.

In the case of the Numeraries and the Aggregates, this family is the Work, which needs them to take due care of all their children and the various apostolic tasks. Another way of behaving would be a disorder, which contrasts with the words of the adolescent Jesus already recalled: did you not know that it is necessary for Me to be in the things of my Father? For this reason, our Founder said, it must seem logical and edifying to the relatives and friends of souls dedicated to the service of God; to see, for example, that they do not abandon their apostolic tasks or their place of work - especially if this place is distant - to participate in certain events or family events, which would cause expenses that a father of a large and poor family could not afford.

Some misunderstanding could arise among our relatives, if their requests are not met, which, they argue, rightly, can be satisfied with little expense and greater ease than in past times. However, always doing what is asked of us could lead us to put aside the obligations and tasks that occupy us. Without giving in to what cannot be done and, of course, without judging anyone, it will be time to grow in supernatural vision and to show in a concrete way fidelity to the divine vocation, without letting ourselves be carried away by foolish or sentimental compromises, fully assuming our decisions: it is not a matter of applying criteria, but of seeing in the presence of God, in each case, what is opportune and just, what should be done. “When human duties lead to postponing - even a little - the firm obedience due to the Lord, even if that seems reasonable, it is foreign to the desire to be his disciples.”

St. Josemaría, who taught us by his word and example to live with delicacy the commandment to honor one’s parents, said: you have to behave very well with them … without losing your freedom. With a little mischief, you can make them very happy, and that they love the Work, and also have complete freedom to serve God.

Let us turn to Holy Mary, Queen of the family, as we invoke her every day when we pray the litanies of the Rosary, so that she may help us to bring God and the Work closer to our relatives, putting on our side the necessary human and supernatural means.