54. Epiphany (II)
Meditations no. 48 (unofficial computer-aided translation)
Our lives, like those of the Magi, are governed by Godās way of reasoning.
Ubi est qui natus est rex Iudaeorum? Christ has just been born, and already his kingship is acknowledged: where is the new-born king of the Jews? Some men have come from the East to adore him. They are powerful men, perhaps princes or sages. And they let themselves be led by an external sign that seems quite insufficient. They had received a call, a message that was not very precise: a star of unusual brightness. But they offered no resistance. From a human point of view, it didnāt make much sense for them to set out on a journey for points unknown. And it made even less sense to ask in Jerusalem, where another king reigned: Ubi est rex Iudaeorum? Where is the king of the Jews?
My children, in your life and mine there are also many things that donāt always make sense. We too have seen a light. We too have heard a call. We too have shared with these men a quest leading us to take certain decisions that perhaps seemed unreasonable to our loved ones, to those at our side. From a human point of view they were right. But you and I could say: Vidimus stellam eiusā¦ we have seen his star and have come to adore him.
Who can say exactly how a person first decides to give himself? Who can say when this open-heartedness, this lack of logic, as I call it, is first born? I have my own experience and each of you has yours. We know that our dedication must be renewed every moment, every day, and on occasions many times a day, having perhaps lost the naive simplicity of the early stages. We have drawn close to Christ, and we have felt his Heart beating strongly, oh so strongly! And we have come to taste his delights, as we find him delighting in the sons of men. From all this we know the great value of Godās love.
Yes, we have to renew our self-giving; we have to pronounce once more the words, āLord, I love youā, and to say them with all our heart. Even though our feelings may not respond, we say to him with the warmth of grace and with our will: My Jesus, king of the universe, we love you.
I want to stress the lack of human logic present in our lives during the forty-two years of our history, our Father said in a meditation he gave in 1970. We too have encountered a Herod out to kill the great divine reality of our life, which is not an illusion, hut a reality that has changed us completely. And more than once the Work has found Herod blocking its path. But donāt worry. Donāt lose your peace. Not for nothing did we leave all those things behind; the Magi did the same, foregoing even the place where they lived, where perhaps they were powerful and esteemed as important people. We have not left personal interests behind for nothing. Now we know very clearly that the divine reason that stirred us and woke us from our slumber is truly worthwhile. It is worthwhile being faithful, being so deeply in love that there is no room in our lives for fear.
Difficulties that may arise are overcome in the light of Godās logic.
Each of us must confess in the depths of our heart: Lord, I beg your forgiveness for my sins. Then we can go to him with absolute filial trust - the trust that this Father deserves. I will never tire of saying that he loves each of us as a mother loves her childā¦ Much more, not āas much asā, much more than a mother loves her child, than a father loves his first-born son. Now is the time to tell this all-powerful, all-wise God, who is our Father, who has loved us -each one of us - unto death and death on a cross, that we will never lose our peace even though things may appear to get worse. We, my children, will calmly continue on our way, because God our Lord will not let his Church be destroyed. He will not allow the imprints of his divine footsteps in the world to be erased.
Now, unfortunately for us and for all Christians, we are witnessing a diabolical attempt to dismantle the Church, to cast aside all the expressions of her divine beauty, to attack directly and brazenly even the most important matters of faith, morals, discipline and worship. It is an infernal outcry intent on throwing doubt on the most fundamental notions of the Catholic faith. But they canāt do anything against your Church, Lord, nor against your Work; of that I am certain.
And once again, without naming things aloud, I ask you to take certain situations in hand. Lord, you have given us a mind with which to reason and to serve you better. We, on our part, must do everything possible: persisting stubbornly and perseveringly in prayer, recalling the words you yourself addressed to us: Ask, and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.
The Magi arrived in Bethlehem. The apocryphal Gospels - which donāt merit faith, but do ordinarily merit pious consideration - tell us how they placed their gifts at the feet of the Child. They are lost in adoration on finding the long-sought king, not in a royal palace nor surrounded by numerous servants, but in a manger, between an ox and a donkey, wrapped in swaddling clothes, in the arms of his Mother and St Joseph, like any other new-born baby.
The passage of St Matthewās Gospel which the Church sets before us today concludes: And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way. They were outstanding men for their time, men of recognized learning, but still they heed a dream. Again their conduct is not logical. There are so many things in our life too that are humanly illogical, but so full of Godās logic.
Asking Godās forgiveness for the times when our wretchedness has separated us from him.
My children, let us draw close to the group that we call the Trinity on earth: Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I imagine myself there, hiding in a corner; I donāt dare to draw near to Jesus, because all my wretchedness, past and present, rises up against me. I feel deeply ashamed, but I also realize that Jesus is casting an affectionate glance in my direction. I then go to his Mother and to St Joseph, that man who was so neglected for many centuries and who acted as his father here on earth. And I say to Jesus: Lord, I want to be really yours, so that my thoughts, my deeds, my entire life, are for you. But as you know, this wretched human condition has led me astray so oftenā¦
I wish I had been yours from the very start, from the first beat of my heart, from the first moment my mind started to reason. I am not worthy to be - and without your help I will never be - your brother, your son and your love. You indeed are my brother and my love, and I am also your son.
And if I canāt lift Christ up and hug him to my breast, I will make myself small. That we can all do, and it is very much in keeping with the family nature of our spirit. I will make myself very small and will go to Mary. If she has her Son Jesus in her right arm, then I, who am her son too, will also find a place there. The Mother of God will embrace me with her other arm and will squeeze us both together against her breast.
Forgive me, my children, if the things I say appear silly. But isnāt it true that we are contemplatives? Considerations of this sort can help us, if necessary, to recover life, and can give us lots of consolation and strength.
Before God, and above all, before the Christ Child, helpless and needy, everything is purity; and I will see that, though I do have the savage possibility, like all men, of offending him and acting like an animal, itās not a disaster if it helps us to struggle, to express our love, and teaches us how to behave fraternally towards all mankind and all creation ā¦
The moment has come for a very personal dialogue. And today, once the child Jesus has received the homage of the Magi, take him in your arms, my child, and squeeze him to your breast from which so many offences have come. I want to tell him aloud, sincerely: Donāt ever leave me, donāt let me cast you from my heart Because that is what we do when we sin: cast him out of our soul.
My children, just see if you can find on earth a more faithful love than Godās love for us. He gazes at us through the lattice of the window - the image comes from Scripture. He looks on us with the love of a mother waiting for her son to arrive: there he is, thatās himā¦ He watches for us with the love of a chaste and faithful wife awaiting her husband. He is the one who waits for us, and so often we have been the ones who kept him waiting.
We began our prayer by asking for forgiveness. My children: isnāt this the right moment to tell him: Lord, enough!
Lord, you are the Love of my loves. Lord, you are my God and my all. Lord, I know that with you there is no defeat. Lord, I want to let myself be divinized, even though humanly it is unreasonable and others may not understand. Take possession of my soul once more; forge me with your grace.
Mother, my Lady, St Joseph my Father and Lord, help me never to abandon the love of your Son.